Rosie’s Big Manifesto

In politics, it can be hard to know what you want. You like socialism, but you don’t like ineffectual leadership and next thing you know, you’re in the ballot box murmuring that you’d like the kung pao chicken.

As such, I have written a wishlist of policies. This is what I’d do if I were in charge. After reading it, you might be very thankful that I am not.

Go forth, politicians, and win my vote.

TREASURY
scrooge-mcduck
– raise income tax threshold to the minimum, living wage
– introduce large taxes on capital (inc. stocks, cash, property)
– increase income taxes on high earners
– close all non-dom/offshore loopholes
– turn the so-called “living wage” into an actual Minimum Living Wage, tracked with inflation

DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH
doctor-who-trust-me
– free women’s sanitary products
– ban private interest from the National Health Service
– reintroduce the ILF
– free prescriptions

DEPARTMENT FOR WORK AND PENSIONS
friends-job
– bring social security up to a living wage
– overhaul social security to remove punitive measures
– move incapacity support from DWP to Department of Health, shifting the focus from being unable to work to being able to live happy, independent lives
– end Fit for Work tests
– ban zero-hour contracts

HOME OFFICE
batman-returns-honey-im-home
– decriminalise prostitution
– decriminalise and regulate all drugs
– reinstate and reinforce funding for DV refuges

DEPARTMENT FOR EDUCATION
community-study
– compulsory SRE for all ages, curriculum reviewed and updated annually to remain relevant
– stop SATs
– reintroduce university grants and end tuition fees
– reintroduce the EMA and Sure Start
– fund apprenticeships in healthcare, education and much needed trades to fill the skills shortage and create jobs for young people

HOUSING
star-wars-home
– end Right to Buy and begin restoring social housing stock
– 90% tax on value of homes left empty for six months
– introduce rent caps
– national house building project, including apprenticeships to solve housing and employment
– legislate against revenge evictions and rogue landlords

DEPARTMENT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, FOOD AND RURAL AFFAIRS
shaun-the-sheep-applause
– all new buildings required to include solar panels or equivalent renewable provision
– reinstate subsidies for renewable energy
– end all subsidies for non-renewable energy

FOREIGN OFFICE
superman-earth
– rejoin/never get round to leaving the EU
– end detention of migrants

MINISTRY OF JUSTICE
parks-and-recreation-judge-perd
– reform prisons in the model of the Norwegian system, focusing on rehabilitating, not punishing

DEPARTMENT FOR CULTURE, MEDIA AND SPORT
30-rock-everybody-and-television
– let the BBC just bloody get on with things
– introduce the same levels of impartiality expected of broadcast media to print journalism

DEPARTMENT FOR TRANSPORT
buster-keaton
– nationalise the railways
– stop HS2 and use the money to improve transport within the North of England

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE
dr-stangelove-war-room
– don’t renew Trident
– largely, avoid bombing people as much as possible

POLITICS
parks-and-recreation-im-ready
– compulsory voting
– lower the voting age to 16
– create political advertising watchdog to scrutinise campaigns and challenge broken pledges
– reform the upper house to an elected chamber
– abolish the monarchy
– hold a second referendum on Scottish independence
– replace FPTP with a preferential voting system
– everybody should have his own owl

owl

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